Alpha 36

MOVE DOWN ~74,000,000,000,000 CHAIRZ!!!!!!!

5 pounds later, Derek crashed his Suzuki into the planet %43543853475fb, but the planet ran a red light so it was totally the planet’s fault. However, he was still arrested by the Obama Police and charged with 1st degree being Vladimir Putin. Immediately, Derek began to plan his escape. He fired over 3 missile at the various unnamed Obama Police members holding him captive. Then, he noticed an enormous peanut butter tsunami moving toward him at over 6 inches per mile. He then summoned a massive pile of textbooks, and threw them at the Big Grey Cube, causing it to explode 6.5 times. The chunks of greyness were so grey that they caused all the Obama Police dudes to drown in a massive sea of Ziploc bags. Derek then called in his Stuka That Never Fails Him, and headed over to Rrrth. There, he located an organization people called ISIS, but others called ISIL, and they got into arguments over which one was right. He then used his XtrEm DivE bOMbinG SkiLlz gEt reKd m8 to ELIMINATE them in 4.ui3y43243373548712128g7812 decimeters. This caused quite a stir in the international community, because they realized Derek was better than all their armies combined. This then caused Derek to say a famous quote: “Next I’m gonna bomb Ebola!” Then he did that. It was incredibly successful. With all the money he got from that, he went out and bought Canada.

And that is the story of how Derek got to school this morning.

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