Alpha 7R

The Sharp Red Ink (Revised)

3 seconds ago, a random Hyundai Santa Fe drove by Spencer’s window. Then Spencer activated his ultimate scan mode, and noticed it was Tyler Follo’s backup backup backup car for when all his Chevrolet Aveos blew up in huge explosions of chunky yogurt. Spencer then activated his random jet boots that he had for -2 reasons. Luckily, he had borrowed Quest-023 from Derek and caught up 3.8526487325 seconds later just in time to break the speed of speed. After this occurred, something else occurred. Wait, you actually want to KNOW what that other something was? Wow, so demanding. Fine then, here it is. Nicky Y. showed up leading the 76ers into battle against Spencer. Luckily again, Derek happened to be on SuzukisAreHere, and he bought a Suzuki and drove over. He arrived -383,473,284,632,874 nanoseconds later; he arrived and bombed Tyler with SIM cards, which he then ate. However, the SIM cards didn’t agree with Tyler’s digestive system, and after a 2.532y842674544 minute debate, the SIM cards won, and Tyler barfed them all up. Then, a series of various wind currents caused the barf-covered SIM cards to land on the 76ers. However, the narrator suddenly realized that Derek had arrived before Spencer had even seen the Hyundai, so the story had just created a paradox in which nothing made sense. PERFECT! This caused Steven to barf up 3,000.4 Oreos, of which 6 were green because reasons. This caused Nicky Y. to be tortured because he hates barf AND green Oreos (true story). Meanwhile, the Oreos had created such a stank that it attracted a swarm of wild Ottoman Empire Zombies, who celebrated this “gift” by dumping sand on each other’s heads for the next week. All this sand combined with their molecular structure, making them all extremely shaqalicious. Because of this extreme influx of shaqaliciousness, all the Ottoman Empire Zombies turned into Shaquille O’Neal, and they had all the Q’s. Suddenly, the Late Heavy Bombardment occurred, and everything got bombarded. This bombardment punctured numerous Lysol cans, and the air supply got even more poisoned than before. Of course, the solution was obvious, MOVE TO ANOTHER PLANET! So that was done. The end.

Unfinished Original (Not as good)

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