Alpha 14

The Lincoln MKS SUCKS!!!

2 seconds later, Derek travelled to the planet YoComíUnLapiz in response to a not-in-distress signal stating that Tyler Follo was attacking. However, by the time Derek got there, Tyler had already died of an aspirin overdose, so he could leave instantly. While he was going back to the USS Macon, the Obama Police arrived and threw numerous trees at Derek’s Cadillac Escalade, which prompted him to say “WELL, THAT Cadillac ESCALADED QUICKLY!” which wasn’t as funny as he thought it was. Derek then got out his trusty RPG-7 and fired 4,000,000 grenades at the Obama Police’s hamster-powered tank, which was ELIMINATED. The Obama Police then retreated, knowing there was no way to beat Derek when he wielded a RPG-7, which you would know from EST Gamma 1 last week, which is up on the website if you missed it. Despite the website promotion, the battle wasn’t over yet! A pack of wild Derek’s Brothers arrived and annoyed the Overpopulated Dimension out of everyone. This caused everyone to become so annoyed they started firing the Electrified John Madden Cannons of Unending Lemonade at all the Derek’s Brothers, but the Derek’s Brothers fought back by chucking numerous overcooked pancakes at everyone. However, this meant they also threw the pancakes at themselves, and they all died a French Fry Jabba the Hutt Death. Just then, when it seemed like the battle was finally over, IT WASN’T!!! OMG no one saw that coming. This time Tyler Follo actually WAS attacking! He had developed a new breed of not-super not-a-soldier called Tyler Two.0, which was really just a clone of himself. However, they all possessed the same flaws as the original, so they were so easy to beat that they all got turned into punching bags. Get it? Cause they’re easy to… Yeah, I’ve lost my original material. Might as well end it now. Spare you the misery. Anyway, 3 seconds after that SUDDENLY, THE NARRATOR HAD A FATAL HEART ATTACK, AND THAT MEANT THE STORY WAS OV… NO WAIT!!!! Hey it’s Derek here and I’M gonna tell you how it ended! Tyler’s clone forces were so ugly they scared everyone away, and it looked like Tyler might actually win, but then, out of the darkness, came… a person, and that person was ME! Then I said “FUNERALS ARE SAD, AND WE SHOULD HAVE A BIRTHDAY PARTY INSTEAD! WITH CAKE! Halleluiah, Gesundheit.” However, this had NOTHING to do with the situation at hand, and while all the clones were confused, my brother came in and farted. Then, all the clones died of carbon monoxide poisoning, ‘cause my brother farts the stuff. Not fun. THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (No, that is NOT too many exclamation points! It is a REASONABLE number!)

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