Alpha 41

Wearable Jellyfish Chasm

4.4.4.4.6.4.4 seconds later, Derek arrived at the planet ggggGGGGGgggT to defeat the Honda-themed Sewer Massacre of Grass Trimming Supporters led by Woodrow Wilson. However, before he could do that, he had to do 3 “chapters” of his Midterm Review Packet for Physics, and wasted a considerable amount of time looking up formulas on Google. After that, he could finally get to ggggGGGGGgggT. Once there, he encountered over 6.7 SD Card Instruction Manuals, which then shot 32,324,354,565,343,221,232 purple chandeliers in Derek’s general direction. However, he managed to dodge all of them with his xtremE dodginG skillZ, which were so impressive that some even called them mediocre. Then he used his 3D Printer to print a nuke and blew up all the instruction manuals, meaning no one else could ever figure out how to use a SD Card, which was unfortunate… I guess. After that, Derek entered the Sewer to ELIMINATE the massacre, but before he could do that, his path was blocked by an enormous man-eating dinosaur, who went by the sinister name of Joe. Derek knew he had to get past Joe, but if Joe saw him, he would eat him. Therefore, he disguised himself as a woman, and walked right by him. (For those of you who are mentally challenged, Joe is a MAN-eating dinosaur, so Derek’s disguise works since Ted only eats men.) After escaping the ferocious Joe, Derek arrived at the main headquarters of the massacre. After blowing up a bunch of random boulders for no reason, Woodrow Wilson entered the room and challenged Derek to a duel. However, duels are only legal in Paraguay, so they flew over there in Derek’s Suzuki first. Once in Paraguay, the duel could commence. Both Derek and Wilson deployed massive arsenals of unusually named weapons, but they were pretty much evenly matched. Then, Wilson began monologing about “The War” and Derek saw his chance. While Wilson was busy describing how much of a bitch the Kaiser was, Derek summoned an Airbus A320 and dropped it on him. Wow, that’s anticlimactic. Whatever.