The Third Chapter 5

Spoiled Kid with Diaper

4 seconds later, Derek flew over the hill in his Chevrolet Avalanche he rebadged as a Saturn. Suddenly, its bed cover rose off the top and turned into a large turret, from which various guns that fired various projectiles appeared. All of these various guns then let loose on Tyler Follo’s new Spaz Army, which was made up mostly of pumpkins and pea soup jars. Soon Tyler and his army were getting hit by just about all of the usual projectiles that came to define war on Earth: manila folders, peanut butter, pen caps, rulers that showed 13 inches rather than 12, South Dakotas, diesel-powered robotic horses, sidewalks, hubcaps, the lot. Within -1.9474r8946545 centimeters, all of Tyler Follo’s army, including himself, was dead. But the usual projectiles weren’t done yet; they became self-aware, and promised to return when the time was right. Turns out the right time was 3.08 seconds later, when they returned to the planet ReturnHereWhenTheTimeIsRight to battle the Half-Eaten Zombie Picnic Baskets. They also encountered the Man-Eating Toolboxes from Due West, South Carolina, who promptly ate Michael Rosen, who was one of the Random Projectiles. Spencer then arrived to take care of the madness… This… Is… SPARTA!!! He wasted 3 seconds before emerging from his Toyota Matrix, which is the best Toyota. He brought with him a 5-inch long fire hose, and shot everyone with liquid suitcases. However, this failed to stop the madness… This… Is… SPARTA!!! So he called Derek and “asked” him to help. -2 seconds later, Tyler Follo arrived driving a brand-new Chevrolet Aveo, but it was so bad that it stalled almost instantly, and Derek ran it over in his Suzuki Swift+, which was basically the same thing but it was a Suzuki so it was better. To calm the madness… This… Is… SPARTA!!! he fired the Deadly External Hard Drive Cannon of Extreme Orangeness (DEHDCoEO), which destroyed everyone with it’s extremely deadly orange external hard drives. Then it stated raining burnt-out taillights, and the story ended.

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