Alpha 42

Deploy the Explosive Seafood Furniture!

3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 seconds later, Derek touched down on the planet Wuriuriurp to ELIMINATE all the Lavas, but Tyler Follo was reincarnated for the 404th time, so Derek had to go get rid of him again first. He drove his Suzuki over to Fruraijsnrkd, and “accidentally” ran Tyler over. Then, he returned to Wuriuriurp, only to find that all the Lavas had been killed by The Meta. Angered that The Meta was killstealing, Derek retrieved his secret stash of ThisElementSucks-ium, better known by the Uzbek pronunciation of its name: BOINK! He then used the BOINK! to build an enormous missile, and fired it at The Meta’s last known location: the planet WearYourHelmetOrSufferTheTextbook. Then, it started raining Chromebooks, which meant a return of the Inverted Tissue Box Eating Gatorade Bottles. Derek deployed the Pink Highlighter Acid, which melted 96.05% of the ITBEGBs. Then, he fired a large number of missiles at the rest, and they got sent to the Overpopulated Dimension. After that was taken care of, Derek returned to the USS Macon to watch the Oakland Raiders win the Super Bowl. However, he was interrupted again when he learned that Spencer had left the window open in Operation JoJ Madden’s Toenail, and someone had come in and barfed up all the LUBRICANT. Then, to top it all off, someone else had left pictures of Power Girl everywhere, which wasn’t exactly bad, but, you know. Then, Newt ChickenWingrich arrived at the planet Woo-Ping-Eee-Wah-Eee and declared that the Funky Blue Republicans now held the coveted title of The Best. Since Derek knew he was really The Best, he quickly drove over to stop this crime. He arrived just in time for a speech given by Newt’s second-in-command, Sarah Impalin, which talked about how good the FBR forces are. Derek broadcast the whole speech to Vlad “The Impaler” Putin, who was already pissed off at Sarah for stealing his nickname. Infuriated by the FBR’s claim, Vlad took off his shirt, and rode a grizzly bear over RIGHT NOW. He then challenged Sarah to a meteor punching contest, which he won, since everyone knows Putin punches meteors back into space every Thursday. Then, Newt ChickenWingrich himself showed up, and while they were in the same general area, Derek fired an Da Gud Missile at them, making him The Best by default! The best way to win!